Post by Klingoncelt on Sept 2, 2011 18:11:05 GMT -5
Rags, Mags & Slags...
There are two post modern day past-times that the reluctant male has an ancient aversion to... Shopping Trips & Glossy Celeb Mags... Its almost impossible to avoid a weekly dose of one or the other, & now there's even that dreadful not so Okay TV... Affirming the utterly tasteless dimension in which the more squalid echelons of the media now inhabit... Alas not even in my Spanish bunker can I escape the interference of this stuff, so when I was making a cup of tea [PG to be precise] this morning in the studio kitchen I was slightly perturbed at the pile of UK rag/mags on the table.
Okay, I have to admit curiosity got the better of me, well one's never quite sure what to do whilst waiting for the Kettle to boil. I'm staring at a copy of the UK rag Closer, what on earth is it doing in here, I know Gina follows Paris Hilton on Twitter, but were much to serious for this kind of trollop stuff [ha ha] ... If I pick it up I might not put it down, so of course I pick it up at the page were it was open - Paula Abdul, now there's a girl that's been around for a while, & the headline...
Paula's Demands Are Out Of Control - Demands for what? Apparently it's a full time job getting in the car then sitting on your arse a few days a week on the telly... What stress !!!
But when you actually read the text of the article it's hilarious... Her 4-dogs named; Thumbelina, Tinkerbell, Bessie Moo & Tulip [what else?] are in need of babysitting [try having 4 kids instead then you will understand the actual meaning of babysitting] But now I have a vivid picture of her fussing with the dogs, this is not how I want to start my day... The next earth shattering piece of reporting made me choke whilst dunkin' my cookies in the tea... She [Paula] must constantly be reminded by her entourage the she is "a warrior, survivor & a gift" A WHAT - well I wouldn't be so bloody impressed if that turned up in my Xmas stocking - & a gift from what, to who, from where
I once saw Babs Streisand pull the most outrageous stunt at a Vegas casino, the power of her Diva is built on her reputation as an incredible singer, alas the same cannot be said for the aforementioned Ms Abdul.
The funniest part is where it reports that Mr Cowell threatened replacing her with Maria Carey, now that's a raw bitchy move from Ms Simone, but can you imagine the conversation¡
"Paula, I know you're a loveable crazy cougar, & we ALL ADORE you, but listen here lady, if you don't buck up & get your ass to work on time I got [the] Maria on stand bye-bye, her jet is on the tarmac & don't forget girlie - she can actually sing, well she used to - anyway she's sold gazzillions compared to your freaky ass so buck-up fast bitch"...
I'de even hazard a guess that Paula makes effigies of said rival singer in some bizarre canine ritual, probably involving the 4-dogs & a bunch of studded dwarfs.
You've got to admire the gaul of the overrated judging the nations most useless... But I admit it sells on TV¡
I turn the pages - Wey Hey - Hollywoods Hottest Mums, now yer talking. Halle Berry won't have a bad word said about her, how could you she's stunning, then freak-show, on the next page a woman with the most ridiculous boobs you've ever seen, looks like somebody has implanted a pointed aliens head there, surely they can't be real, but it's in Closer so it must be true !!!
Cheryl's Revenge [I'll show Simon by cracking [up] in LA]...
I thought I was stating the obvious earlier this year when I said that it would be very difficult for her to walk into a ready made "big-time" role in the US. I'm fortunate enough to be in a handful of UK musicians who have had a certain level of success in the US & one thing was for sure, we never underestimated the commitment & just how good you have to be to crack that market... And although we are very similar and speak the same language we are also very individual in out cultures, the US also has very strong regional culture which in many cases is more important than the overall national culture. It's 50 States, then 1-big nation and years of hard work [well at least 2].
There is a misconception that it all begins in Hollywood, when in fact for many that's where it all ends...
Nevertheless I do wish my fellow Geordie singer lass well, as she languishes at the Sunset Marquis Hotel, which we all know & love so well !!! And if her Northern instincts serve her well then she will begin to navigate through the tide of bullshit & therapists. Good to see she has a new stylist, boy did she need it & wouldn't we have loved to see Cheryl & Paula square off, alas its not to be although you can't help but wondering if the batty Ms Abdul played more than a minor role in the adorable Ms Tweedy's X-factor demise, I bet the 4 doggies have the full "scoop on the poop", so maybe the magazine could simply interview the dogs, surely they have a pet correspondent in-house.
And then if all else fails there's all ways Vicky B, she's all pally with the Scientologists so we can assume our lovely lass from Byker is in good hands [or maybe not]...
"Who Wore It Best"... Its every A-listers nightmare - "Another celeb wearing the same outfit" - Actually there's not a bloke in sight. This is definitely the "does my bum look big in this page" Yeah, the raw bitchy shit Ive been looking for but I can't agree with some of their analysis... Unquestionably, Dita Von Teese wears it better than Daisy Lowe... My question is one of a purely observational nature - Why do all the "A-listers" have the same hand on the hip pose for the lense, they nearly all appear to be pulling the same pout, so is there a place one goes to to learn celebrity stuff - Celebrity Finishing School... Its got to be a reality show at some point, maybe there has been & I missed out, awh schucks!
Poor old Charlotte Church, it wasn't so long ago she was whooping it up in Ibiza now she looks like she just finished an 8-hour stint in a tripe packing factory... The picture printed of her more than aptly demonstrates the perils of celebritising your life & art. She has a beautiful classic voice, makes Susan Boyle sound positively average but Charlotte, unlike the wylie Katherine Jenkins strayed to far from her core & was of course very young. Well she will always have the gift of a voice & is still young enough to recover her grace & career.
OOh... Had to stop for a sandwich break, it may be breakfast time but sometimes all you need is a good sandwich - Towering New York Deli Style... Avocado, Spring Onions, Tomato & Smoked Turkey with dash of non-fat Mayo on brown bread, absolutely delicious with a glass of milk & some biscuits to follow.
On the subject of food, I noticed that Gordon Ramsey is babysitting the Beckham kids whilst mom recovers from her 4th. Imagine that GR babysitting... "You fuckin little shit kids get yer smelly bastard arses down here & clean the pissin kitchen" or something along those lines... Then again imagine the fear when your dad tells you, "Guess what kids, your Uncle Gordon's on his way over to see you"... Fuckkkk - Ide be straight up my tree-house or maybe even better that secret camp we've built where we hide the porn mags we nicked from Dad's stash... But a weekend with uncle Gord, my god!!!
And so it goes on & on & on¡ What the point? Where do we go from here? Is there anything of limits? Is this how folks see a potential career? Attention seeking syndrome. Surely everybody realises it's 50% made up & 50% absolute bollocks, I hope its not taken to seriously because as a society it will be marked as a cultural low point of modern times. I mean lets be frank - Look at the tainted Murdoch family & associates, look at how they abused their amassed power, & conducted themselves, I know for a fact there has been a extraordinary effort to cover up what's been going on in the media, several journalists were sacrificial although that's coming back to haunt them... Like Ive said before its a kin to a protection racket whether it phone tapping [on a industrial scale] or the constant acquisition & publication of covert family snaps until you acquiesce, grin & bear it.
The mass publication of these magazines demonstrates perfectly that both Media & Politics are dumbed down to the lowest common denominator; By way of example, whilst the world was buying shit based on a lifestyle it could ill afford, nobody really noticed the US Military Industrial Complex spending some 2 trillion dollars on military conflicts under Bush & now Obama [which it also could ill afford] - In a time of rampant unemployment & a decaying infrastructure that is enough money to employ millions & rebuild the entire infrastructure of the US. Of course it was possible to do something good with the money, but it didn't happen & now there's bugger all left.
It fair to say we have a crass & destructive political establishment that is now so overran by non-constituent issues, there is very little representation on a local level in national parliaments. These charlatan politicians play it all out for the cameras and of course they are celebrities also, Nancy Pelosi had a Gulf stream-4 to knock around in, the kind of thing The Stones would tour with, the difference is that "you paid for Nancy-s entourage to travel back n'forth", whereas the band paid their own carriage...
This type of brazen "I got mine" by a senior representative of the people is so tasteless you just stare in disbelief at the information, if that's not screwing your people then what is??? There's no difference between her and a Gaddafi croney, excessive wasteful use of your money, immoral, corrupt, self serving, and fucking expensive.
You know the shits about to hit the fan when the head of Goldman Sachs, Lloyd Blankfein hires a top criminal attorney - can't wait... Banks & Government suing each other, pot calling the kettle and all that¡ Now here's the fucked up bit - Who's money do you think will be used in the prosecution of this malarkey, yours of course¡ Governments and banks don't actually have any other cash than yours & mine...
So as we continue to pursue the 2-party feudal system on both sides of the Atlantic via said media, [with your hard earnt dosh] its almost become Medici like, & sadly there's not to many Michaelaneglo's around these day - Maybe Steve Jobs will be heralded as the modern day Michelangelo¡
IN comparison to the genius of Mr Jobs a man who has created enormous wealth & innovation [to become a genuine World Leader], lets not forget the illiteracy & intellectual darkness of the former leader of the free world... Most politicians would not know where to start if they were tasked with the challenges of building a real business [as opposed to a government sponsored contract rout or a Goldmans Sachs shoe-in] Bush "the son of" was an out & out failure in business a total duffer, couldn't run a piss-up in a brewery & yet he was allowed to take his country down a path to potential finacial ruin [with a little help from Dick, Lloyd & Rupert]¡...
The same "Murdoch [TnA in the UK] media" played a key role in Bush getting elected, FOX news viewers gave him the margin of victory, that's if you believe he actually won the 2000 election, & then subsequently Bush didn't win in 04' because of any real popularity, he won because of the enemy that was created in the media for him to run against, the 21st Century bogey man, who was recently caught in a squat in Pakistan in his undies watching himself on cable TV & then killed to be instantly dumped at sea. Of course you would have to believe he was still alive in the first place, even the photo put out in the media was a side shot & didn't adequately identify him...
Believe it or not but in a court of law you would need evidence of a body, however in politics all you need is a co-operative media who essentially have there snouts in the same trough and rarely consider the public interest in what they report... This was an oil war, Libya is an oil war¡ Guess who will get "first dabs" on the supply of oil from these countries, well it ain't gonna be China now is it!!!
In a sense I can understand why so many folks read so much trivia & dross, because the so called informed or serious media, the once trusted establishments, the financial & corporate systems eta all - have very little if any credibility left with the public, most of the bastards that screwed every man woman & child on this earth 3-years ago are still in their jobs, having now sucked the last drop out of the politically naive stimulus money that appeared from nowhere but which essentially went to Asia or was used by the very same banks to buy government bonds, [which now turns out to be another fatal error]...
The facts are scary, & the media constantly avoid upsetting their political bedfellows by not reporting such - Many unfavourable reports which government deny via the mainstream media are contradicted & confirmed in their own words in the now many leaked documents available online. Here's the point - It's one thing to evoke the line of "In The Interests of National Security", that well worn macho "Old Washington Git" of a phrase - but its something entirely different when it amounts to the co-ordinated dissemination of misinformation on an International Scale, intended to fraud the public & trash any goodwill in society.
In reality, there's a strong argument to actually say one prefers reading the celeb mags & rags, simply because it puts a smile on your face, its dishonesty is harmless, & you don't need to trust it because its not purporting to be fundamental to your well being or the future of your family... But please don't forget we live in a world where - Sourcing your own information, looking for informative trusted sources & then making your own considered judgements are all within your reach, all of this and more will forever set you free...
As for the shopping trips, there's not a Mall in Ibiza anywhere, in fact there's still a healthy culture of small family owned business, & save the odd UK news stand, the papers are mainly printed in Spanish... I wonder how Thumbelina, Tinkerbell, Bessie Moo & Tulip would translate - Pulgarcita, Tinkerbell, Bessie Mu y Tulipan¡...
Andy T.
Ibiza, Sept 2 2011
There are two post modern day past-times that the reluctant male has an ancient aversion to... Shopping Trips & Glossy Celeb Mags... Its almost impossible to avoid a weekly dose of one or the other, & now there's even that dreadful not so Okay TV... Affirming the utterly tasteless dimension in which the more squalid echelons of the media now inhabit... Alas not even in my Spanish bunker can I escape the interference of this stuff, so when I was making a cup of tea [PG to be precise] this morning in the studio kitchen I was slightly perturbed at the pile of UK rag/mags on the table.
Okay, I have to admit curiosity got the better of me, well one's never quite sure what to do whilst waiting for the Kettle to boil. I'm staring at a copy of the UK rag Closer, what on earth is it doing in here, I know Gina follows Paris Hilton on Twitter, but were much to serious for this kind of trollop stuff [ha ha] ... If I pick it up I might not put it down, so of course I pick it up at the page were it was open - Paula Abdul, now there's a girl that's been around for a while, & the headline...
Paula's Demands Are Out Of Control - Demands for what? Apparently it's a full time job getting in the car then sitting on your arse a few days a week on the telly... What stress !!!
But when you actually read the text of the article it's hilarious... Her 4-dogs named; Thumbelina, Tinkerbell, Bessie Moo & Tulip [what else?] are in need of babysitting [try having 4 kids instead then you will understand the actual meaning of babysitting] But now I have a vivid picture of her fussing with the dogs, this is not how I want to start my day... The next earth shattering piece of reporting made me choke whilst dunkin' my cookies in the tea... She [Paula] must constantly be reminded by her entourage the she is "a warrior, survivor & a gift" A WHAT - well I wouldn't be so bloody impressed if that turned up in my Xmas stocking - & a gift from what, to who, from where
I once saw Babs Streisand pull the most outrageous stunt at a Vegas casino, the power of her Diva is built on her reputation as an incredible singer, alas the same cannot be said for the aforementioned Ms Abdul.
The funniest part is where it reports that Mr Cowell threatened replacing her with Maria Carey, now that's a raw bitchy move from Ms Simone, but can you imagine the conversation¡
"Paula, I know you're a loveable crazy cougar, & we ALL ADORE you, but listen here lady, if you don't buck up & get your ass to work on time I got [the] Maria on stand bye-bye, her jet is on the tarmac & don't forget girlie - she can actually sing, well she used to - anyway she's sold gazzillions compared to your freaky ass so buck-up fast bitch"...
I'de even hazard a guess that Paula makes effigies of said rival singer in some bizarre canine ritual, probably involving the 4-dogs & a bunch of studded dwarfs.
You've got to admire the gaul of the overrated judging the nations most useless... But I admit it sells on TV¡
I turn the pages - Wey Hey - Hollywoods Hottest Mums, now yer talking. Halle Berry won't have a bad word said about her, how could you she's stunning, then freak-show, on the next page a woman with the most ridiculous boobs you've ever seen, looks like somebody has implanted a pointed aliens head there, surely they can't be real, but it's in Closer so it must be true !!!
Cheryl's Revenge [I'll show Simon by cracking [up] in LA]...
I thought I was stating the obvious earlier this year when I said that it would be very difficult for her to walk into a ready made "big-time" role in the US. I'm fortunate enough to be in a handful of UK musicians who have had a certain level of success in the US & one thing was for sure, we never underestimated the commitment & just how good you have to be to crack that market... And although we are very similar and speak the same language we are also very individual in out cultures, the US also has very strong regional culture which in many cases is more important than the overall national culture. It's 50 States, then 1-big nation and years of hard work [well at least 2].
There is a misconception that it all begins in Hollywood, when in fact for many that's where it all ends...
Nevertheless I do wish my fellow Geordie singer lass well, as she languishes at the Sunset Marquis Hotel, which we all know & love so well !!! And if her Northern instincts serve her well then she will begin to navigate through the tide of bullshit & therapists. Good to see she has a new stylist, boy did she need it & wouldn't we have loved to see Cheryl & Paula square off, alas its not to be although you can't help but wondering if the batty Ms Abdul played more than a minor role in the adorable Ms Tweedy's X-factor demise, I bet the 4 doggies have the full "scoop on the poop", so maybe the magazine could simply interview the dogs, surely they have a pet correspondent in-house.
And then if all else fails there's all ways Vicky B, she's all pally with the Scientologists so we can assume our lovely lass from Byker is in good hands [or maybe not]...
"Who Wore It Best"... Its every A-listers nightmare - "Another celeb wearing the same outfit" - Actually there's not a bloke in sight. This is definitely the "does my bum look big in this page" Yeah, the raw bitchy shit Ive been looking for but I can't agree with some of their analysis... Unquestionably, Dita Von Teese wears it better than Daisy Lowe... My question is one of a purely observational nature - Why do all the "A-listers" have the same hand on the hip pose for the lense, they nearly all appear to be pulling the same pout, so is there a place one goes to to learn celebrity stuff - Celebrity Finishing School... Its got to be a reality show at some point, maybe there has been & I missed out, awh schucks!
Poor old Charlotte Church, it wasn't so long ago she was whooping it up in Ibiza now she looks like she just finished an 8-hour stint in a tripe packing factory... The picture printed of her more than aptly demonstrates the perils of celebritising your life & art. She has a beautiful classic voice, makes Susan Boyle sound positively average but Charlotte, unlike the wylie Katherine Jenkins strayed to far from her core & was of course very young. Well she will always have the gift of a voice & is still young enough to recover her grace & career.
OOh... Had to stop for a sandwich break, it may be breakfast time but sometimes all you need is a good sandwich - Towering New York Deli Style... Avocado, Spring Onions, Tomato & Smoked Turkey with dash of non-fat Mayo on brown bread, absolutely delicious with a glass of milk & some biscuits to follow.
On the subject of food, I noticed that Gordon Ramsey is babysitting the Beckham kids whilst mom recovers from her 4th. Imagine that GR babysitting... "You fuckin little shit kids get yer smelly bastard arses down here & clean the pissin kitchen" or something along those lines... Then again imagine the fear when your dad tells you, "Guess what kids, your Uncle Gordon's on his way over to see you"... Fuckkkk - Ide be straight up my tree-house or maybe even better that secret camp we've built where we hide the porn mags we nicked from Dad's stash... But a weekend with uncle Gord, my god!!!
And so it goes on & on & on¡ What the point? Where do we go from here? Is there anything of limits? Is this how folks see a potential career? Attention seeking syndrome. Surely everybody realises it's 50% made up & 50% absolute bollocks, I hope its not taken to seriously because as a society it will be marked as a cultural low point of modern times. I mean lets be frank - Look at the tainted Murdoch family & associates, look at how they abused their amassed power, & conducted themselves, I know for a fact there has been a extraordinary effort to cover up what's been going on in the media, several journalists were sacrificial although that's coming back to haunt them... Like Ive said before its a kin to a protection racket whether it phone tapping [on a industrial scale] or the constant acquisition & publication of covert family snaps until you acquiesce, grin & bear it.
The mass publication of these magazines demonstrates perfectly that both Media & Politics are dumbed down to the lowest common denominator; By way of example, whilst the world was buying shit based on a lifestyle it could ill afford, nobody really noticed the US Military Industrial Complex spending some 2 trillion dollars on military conflicts under Bush & now Obama [which it also could ill afford] - In a time of rampant unemployment & a decaying infrastructure that is enough money to employ millions & rebuild the entire infrastructure of the US. Of course it was possible to do something good with the money, but it didn't happen & now there's bugger all left.
It fair to say we have a crass & destructive political establishment that is now so overran by non-constituent issues, there is very little representation on a local level in national parliaments. These charlatan politicians play it all out for the cameras and of course they are celebrities also, Nancy Pelosi had a Gulf stream-4 to knock around in, the kind of thing The Stones would tour with, the difference is that "you paid for Nancy-s entourage to travel back n'forth", whereas the band paid their own carriage...
This type of brazen "I got mine" by a senior representative of the people is so tasteless you just stare in disbelief at the information, if that's not screwing your people then what is??? There's no difference between her and a Gaddafi croney, excessive wasteful use of your money, immoral, corrupt, self serving, and fucking expensive.
You know the shits about to hit the fan when the head of Goldman Sachs, Lloyd Blankfein hires a top criminal attorney - can't wait... Banks & Government suing each other, pot calling the kettle and all that¡ Now here's the fucked up bit - Who's money do you think will be used in the prosecution of this malarkey, yours of course¡ Governments and banks don't actually have any other cash than yours & mine...
So as we continue to pursue the 2-party feudal system on both sides of the Atlantic via said media, [with your hard earnt dosh] its almost become Medici like, & sadly there's not to many Michaelaneglo's around these day - Maybe Steve Jobs will be heralded as the modern day Michelangelo¡
IN comparison to the genius of Mr Jobs a man who has created enormous wealth & innovation [to become a genuine World Leader], lets not forget the illiteracy & intellectual darkness of the former leader of the free world... Most politicians would not know where to start if they were tasked with the challenges of building a real business [as opposed to a government sponsored contract rout or a Goldmans Sachs shoe-in] Bush "the son of" was an out & out failure in business a total duffer, couldn't run a piss-up in a brewery & yet he was allowed to take his country down a path to potential finacial ruin [with a little help from Dick, Lloyd & Rupert]¡...
The same "Murdoch [TnA in the UK] media" played a key role in Bush getting elected, FOX news viewers gave him the margin of victory, that's if you believe he actually won the 2000 election, & then subsequently Bush didn't win in 04' because of any real popularity, he won because of the enemy that was created in the media for him to run against, the 21st Century bogey man, who was recently caught in a squat in Pakistan in his undies watching himself on cable TV & then killed to be instantly dumped at sea. Of course you would have to believe he was still alive in the first place, even the photo put out in the media was a side shot & didn't adequately identify him...
Believe it or not but in a court of law you would need evidence of a body, however in politics all you need is a co-operative media who essentially have there snouts in the same trough and rarely consider the public interest in what they report... This was an oil war, Libya is an oil war¡ Guess who will get "first dabs" on the supply of oil from these countries, well it ain't gonna be China now is it!!!
In a sense I can understand why so many folks read so much trivia & dross, because the so called informed or serious media, the once trusted establishments, the financial & corporate systems eta all - have very little if any credibility left with the public, most of the bastards that screwed every man woman & child on this earth 3-years ago are still in their jobs, having now sucked the last drop out of the politically naive stimulus money that appeared from nowhere but which essentially went to Asia or was used by the very same banks to buy government bonds, [which now turns out to be another fatal error]...
The facts are scary, & the media constantly avoid upsetting their political bedfellows by not reporting such - Many unfavourable reports which government deny via the mainstream media are contradicted & confirmed in their own words in the now many leaked documents available online. Here's the point - It's one thing to evoke the line of "In The Interests of National Security", that well worn macho "Old Washington Git" of a phrase - but its something entirely different when it amounts to the co-ordinated dissemination of misinformation on an International Scale, intended to fraud the public & trash any goodwill in society.
In reality, there's a strong argument to actually say one prefers reading the celeb mags & rags, simply because it puts a smile on your face, its dishonesty is harmless, & you don't need to trust it because its not purporting to be fundamental to your well being or the future of your family... But please don't forget we live in a world where - Sourcing your own information, looking for informative trusted sources & then making your own considered judgements are all within your reach, all of this and more will forever set you free...
As for the shopping trips, there's not a Mall in Ibiza anywhere, in fact there's still a healthy culture of small family owned business, & save the odd UK news stand, the papers are mainly printed in Spanish... I wonder how Thumbelina, Tinkerbell, Bessie Moo & Tulip would translate - Pulgarcita, Tinkerbell, Bessie Mu y Tulipan¡...
Andy T.
Ibiza, Sept 2 2011
